Another Sunday as a single parent...

Caleb is the Manager of CSK in Rexburg, and unfortunately, they are open 7 days a week. It SUCKS! He gets to take some Sunday's off, but being totally fair, and the AWESOME manager that he is, he works quite a few too. On the Sunday's that he works, it is really hard to take the two girls to church by myself. I do anyway, because I know it is the right place to be. Some Sunday's it goes great, others I just want to jump off a cliff. A few of you may know the story of when Adi was being a terror, and I got up to leave, and to my horror I was de-skirted...? Crystal got to see that one up close and personal...lucky Crystal. Anyway...yeah, that was a jump off the cliff day!
Well, today was no exception. Don't get me wrong though, let me clarify. I love my children 101% of the time. They are great. I love the rewards of being a Mother, and have found no greater joy in my life. I feel so incredibly blessed that my Heavenly Father has found me fit to take care of these two amazing joys in my life. But, lets be honest...it is NOT always easy!
It started with the fact that it is a FREEZING day today, and we had to park in freaking tim-buck-two, and then treck through a foot of snow to even get in the building! We got in and sat down on the chairs...and I don't know if you agree, but for me...they are never easy. At least with a bench I can usually keep them trapped in. Adi was already complaining of being cold-with good cause of course. So, after sitting for about 2 minutes, I noticed a bench was open. I didn't hesitate at all. I moved. It was only 3 steps away. But apparently this was the wrong decision. Enter fit #1. Luckily Emersyn is still sleeping in the carseat. Fit #1 is handled with efficiency.
Sacrament starts and Adi wants a sucker. I tell her to wait until after the bread and water. She's okay with this for 2 seconds...then to be heard throughout the whole church, "Adi wants a sucker Please!" Again the assurance that it will come and a reminder to PLEASE WHISPER, and again it lasts 2 more seconds. This goes on until fit #2 enters. She is promptly taken out this time, and surprisingly handles the encouragement to be reverent well. We come back in, even folding our arms. Emersyn is still sleeping, and I am confident the mess is over.
Wrong! The entire meeting I felt as if I wanted to pull my hair out, throw MYSELF down on the floor, and start screaming too! Emersyn woke up and wanted out, but of course Adelynn had to scream that it is HER sister, and she wants her. In the process no surprise that she wacks her head on the bench and in Enters fit #3!
Honestly I don't know how many more times I had to tell her to be quiet, urge her to be reverent, or tell her to "come back here"! It was a nightmare for sure. I felt as if everyone was looking at me and thinking that I was a terrible ill-equipped Mother.
At the End of the meeting I rushed the children out and we trecked through more snow to get to the car. Poor Adelynn slipped and fell in the snow getting her hands wet and freezing cold. Of course this called for fit # who knows what!
I felt bad for her, I did. But at this point I had reached the end of my rope. In the car on the way home she screamed, and screamed, and screamed. I got her out of the car, and she was pleading "hold you, hold you!" Which means she wants to be held. I told her I couldn't because I had to get Emersyn. So I got Emi, and dragged Adi, and we finally made it into the house.
I put Emersyn down and (I am embarassed to say this) I yelled at Adelynn. I told her I needed her to be quiet, and give me a second. I told her I couldn't hold her yet, and she needed to go sit in front of the fireplace to get warm. At this point her fit turned to a complete and total devastated cry and plea for me to hold her.
I felt Terreible. I picked her up and rocked her. She was so sad. She told me to wrap my arms around her, and hold her, and to not put her down. So I listened. And after 5 minutes of her intently staring into my eyes, and burning a whole through my soul, she asked to go to bed. She said "Adi sleep in big girl bed, mommy lay Adi down, Adi so tired." So I did. I listened.
She sweetly lay down in bed, curled up, and said Goodnight. I told her I loved her, and that I was sorry. She eventually forgave me, and said she loved me too.
And now here I sit, writing my story. I started out feeling so bad for myself thinking "Why do I have to deal with this? I know this is where I am suppose to be. I know this is where you want me Lord. So why is it so difficult?"
And now I feel so differently. As hard as today was, and as much as I don't want another Sunday to go like today, I feel so grateful that I was able to listen to Adelynn. To realize my faults as a person and as a mother, and see that anger and frustration is not the key to resolving things. To open my heart to her, and apologize for hurting her feelings as I did. I truly hope that I can be to my children, the Mother they deserve.