I have somehow become completely and totally socially awkward. I have a conversation with someone and I inevitably come home replaying the conversation in my head and feeling stupid wondering:
"why did I say that?"
or "did they think that was dumb?"
or "maybe I laugh too much."
You get the point. It's terrible. I used to be confident and loved making friends and social settings were perfectly lovely to me. Now every week I go to church and I get lots of wonderful ladies wanting to talk and I'm a social retard. And here is the thing...there is no need for it. I have the nicest ward with some seriously amazing people in it. Everyone is always kind and suggesting get togethers or playgroups. Or they are very complimentary towards our family, or my baby belly or something.
Here's my question to you. Has this ever happened to any of you? Is it because of the move and I'm still just adjusting to being out of my element and having to make new friends? It really is hard being the one that seeks acceptance rather that the one comfortable in your element giving the acceptance.
Or is it because I'm a SAHM who has lost herself and really needs to get out more often and talk to someone other than my 2 and 4 year old?
So all of you confident amazing women...now you know my struggle...help me please!
(if I'm not a lost cause that is!)
13 comments:
oh my gosh. Ashley, this is ME TO A T!!! I'm a moron most of the time in social settings! If anyone has any advice I need it! lol. I think most of the time though, I make a bigger deal about things then they really are. :)
First of all, you are NOT a social retard! Period. I know that I am not around you but just from what I can tell on your blog and such, you don't have a problem.
2nd, I think that EVERYONE has those feelings creep up now and again. I sure do! Most people just aren't open about it.
But, I promise you, if you were to ask those people you are talking to if you were social inept, they'd answer an emphatic NO! We are our own worst enemies!
I think that you are in a new place, you're a SAHM, and you being preggo can certainly make you feel out of your comfort zone. But, rest assured that you'll be out of this funk soon enough.
Don't sweat it. I'm socially inept everyday & I have no excuse!
If we lived near each other, I'd hang with you!
Oh, and my advice. Forget about it. Who cares!
Ok, actaually , real advice is to "Fake it til you make it!". The more you project self-assuredness and confidence. The more you become it.
EEk! excuse the mis-spelling! I think faster than I type!
I have the same problem!! Don't have any answers, just sympathy.;)
What I'm gathering from the above comments added to my own feelings, is that we ALL feel this way! There are probably a select few who don't. What I always try to remind myself (especially when looking at my rear-end in the mirror, thinking how fat it looks, and how bad I am at coordinating outfits), is that I'M the only one being that critical of myself. Everyone else out there is mostly paying attention to how they feel themselves. Just think; when is the last time you talked to someone and picked apart their mannerisms, or the things they said, or the way they looked? Honestly, I don't think there are THAT many mean-spirited people out there. And the ones who are? I don't really care what they think! (: Hope that mumbo-jumbo made sense to you!
No one is ever a 'lost cause' that's the nice thing about this world. And as from a girl who has had to uproot the family many times it is the move. It's hard to start all over, I get tired of introducing myself and resaying my name 20x's in 1 hour. I know people are trying to be kind, but when you move you have to be ready and prepared to accept when someone new reaches out to you and most times it takes a little while to find you wanting to do that. Me, we've been here 5 months and I am now just getting ready to make the step and not have that awkward part hit! Also another thing that I have found to be great is pick one person and get to acutally 'know' that person. That doesn't mean you don't talk to anyone else, make small talk, but to that ONE person make more effort. I think a person gets way overwhelmed with EVERYONE and we feel overloaded, and back away. So I hope that makes sense! And as you get comfortable with one person, then reach a little further to someone else. In all the many moves we have done this has helped me the most, kinda builds back the social spring in my step a little at a time :)
Ashley, I wish I had great advice for you, but unfortunately, I don't. I agree with everyone that we all have this problem at times. I think it most likely that it's multiple factors combined that make you feel how you're feeling. The move can be a big one. I usually get into my wards quickly, but this time I'm struggling a bit more too-- I was just getting out of my funk and making friends when Dan was put in the bishopric, and I'm back in it again. It's tough. Pregnancy, obviously, throws a punch into things as well. So I would say that all you can do is keep trying and doing what you're doing, and soon all the kinks will work themselves out and you'll find yourself feeling much better. :) I know-- great advice--- but it's all I've got. Good luck!
You are definitely not socially retarded--just normal! I know I have these feelings all the time too & it's definitely worse when I'm new to a ward too. Just keep being your sweet cute self & you'll feel right at home in no time :) Love & miss you!
Oh Ashley, you are one of the least socially retarded people I have ever met. I know what you mean about over thinking the situation. I totally do the same thing. :) Just be your charming self and they will love you. You are an amazing person and they will see that in no time. Love you!!
Oh, man! I missed this post! How did I miss it? Anyway, I know how you feel about this and you know how I feel about it. My problem is I've ALWAYS been socially awkward so I don't plan on things changing for me in my lifetime. And therefore, I don't have any solutions. I was hoping there some magical solution in these comments. Nope- just other women who feel the same as we do. BTW- you are adorable, cute, giggly, fun, and SOOOO easy to be around!! You are awesome to just chit-chat with too! I can't see one reason why EVERYONE wouldn't want to be your friend:) I'm sure lucky I am!
Sorry for the typos- I always have those too:/
I agree that we all feel this way sometimes. You really can't tell what other people are thinking of you, but I would guess that most of the time it is better than you think. For example: Lil got her hair cut by a lady in my ward. While they were talking the lady made a comment to the effect of, "Meg's hair is always so cute." What? Me? I have approximately three hairstyles and I've never thought they were that nice. But apparently they look good to other people. I was very surprised, but in a good way, of course.
I also agree with Rhonda, even if you don't feel comfortable, just fake it. At some point you will probably be surprised that you are so comfortable in your new ward and feel like you've always belonged there.
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